


Fallin' For You

by ChaoticBliss



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Clustin, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, PTSD, Past Abuse, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenagers, Therapy, Zalex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticBliss/pseuds/ChaoticBliss
Summary: "Stop fucking looking at me like that!""Like what Jensen?! What the fuck are you even talking about!""Jesus,  Justin. Just stop."





	1. Faith

Justin didn't think he believed in god.

It just didn't make any sense to. How could there be a god with all the fucked up shit that happened in this town? 

In this world. 

After all the shit that life has put him through, the abusive wanna be dads. The lows that haunted his highs.

The fucking rapist who he once would've considered a brother. After he let that fucker hurt the one person he loved more tham anything

After she left him and blamed him when she found out. She wasn't wrong to. He still does.

What Justin couldn't wrap his head around was that, if there was a god. Why would he make people as fucked as Bryce Walker. Or Monty Cruz. 

Or himself. 

It just didn't add up, after everything that could have possibly gone wrong in his life happened, how could he believe in something like that?

How could he have faith in something thats never done shit for him? If you thought about it, it was a miracle that the little bit of faith he had now was still in tact. 

Just when he thinks he's given up on everything this world has had to offer, something pulls him back in. Gives him hope for however long it does.

At one point it was his dad, before he figured he wasn't coming back. Then his mom when she told she was gonna get clean and then, didn't. Then Bryce, no matter how fucked up their relationship was, he was the only person to at least pretend to care about him up until a few months ago.

Then there was Jessica and god, he fucked that up. Well at least, he thought he did.

The dance made things confusing and more complicated then he wanted to think about. She showed up with Alex, hooked up with him and then the fucking Tyler thing happened and they hadn't talked about it since. 

Now, the person that makes him think that life just might be worth living, is probably just as fucked up as he is. In a different way sure, but fucked up all the same.

Clay Jensen, due to a strange turn of events, had taken Jessica's place as the person who gave Justin hope. No matter how much Justin hated to admit it.

As fucking bizarre as it sounds, this heartbroken kid who tried to fix everyone around him but himself was someone who made him think that maybe he should stick around for awhile. See if there's an upside to this shit stain he called a life. 

And there was, he was getting fucking adopted. 

He was gonna be a Jensen. 

A part of one of those families that seemed like they could be straight out of one of those 90s sitcoms. 

Justin. Fucking. Jensen. 

The name didn't quite have the ring to it that he wanted but still, it was better than nothing. 

Would he have to change his last name after the adoption?

There's nothing wrong with Jensen but Justin Jensen sounds like a name from one of those badly acted teen rom coms. 

The ones Jessica would make him watch whenever he'd come over and she didn't feel like having sex. 

His heart clenched a little at the thought of her. Fuck he should just call her. But what if she didn't even want to talk to him? What if she regretted what happened? 

Jesus, he's such a fucking pussy. 

He forced himself not to think about her, whenever he did, he ended up feeling like shit. Then doing stupid shit and it was just this endless cycle that he didn't need to start again. Not now anyway. 

His mind wandered back to his name. 

Justing Jensen. 

Jesus, it didn't even sound like him. It sounded like some fantasy version of himself. Something he wasn't sure he could ever be. 

He wasn't a Jensen, he was a Foley. A fuck up, just like the rest of them. 

Still, he didn't think any Foley had ever been here. In a home that felt as safe as this one. In a home in general. 

He didn't think he'd ever end up here.

With Clay Jensen of all people, in their fucking room. 

Even though it was the truth, it still kinda felt like a lie in his mind. 

He and Clay were sharing a room, in their house. Waiting for Clay's  mom and dad to finish converting the basement into a room, for Justin. 

It didn't even sound believable and yet, here he was. 

The thought kinda warmed his heart, that they were trying to make room for him. No one had ever cared enough to make sure that he was comfortable before. To actually give him a proper home.

Before his grandma died and his mom got her house, they lived in this pretty shit apartment with one bedroom. His mom took the room and he spent most of his pre-teen years on the couch trying to block out the noise of her various boyfriends. 

Its kinda ridiculous how much things have changed.

Its like the universe or god or whatever, decided he was worth giving a shit about. 

It was nice. 

As soon as that feeling of warmth sunk in, another one of guilt washed over him. 

He was still using and he was still a fuck up. Just because the situation changed didn't mean he did. 

He fucking hated himself for it, he knew better. He knew it would just end up messing up his shot at a real family.

But he couldn't help it, h-he needed it. 

He didn't even know why but he just, did. 

Jesus, he was beyond fucked up. 

If Clay or his parents found out they'd probably kick him out. He'd be back on the streets with no where to go and with absolutely no one caring again. 

He didn't like thinking about being homeless again. He remembers the loneliness, the cold sleepless nights. The ache in his feet from looking for food and shelter. How hard it was to get money. Especially when he needed a fix. 

He did a lot of shit he regrets because of it. He didn't like thinking about being there again but now, he didn't even know if he would have a choice pretty soon. 

That feeling of being alone and feeling vulnerable every time he'd turn a street corner. 

He hated it. 

He hated that helplessnessnmore than anything else in the world. 

Maybe this was all some cruel joke, like god was fucking with him. Giving him something good, only to rip it away from him later. If there even is a god to begin with.

"Justin." 

Clay looked over at him, his soon to be brother. The concept still didn't feel right in his mind. 

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." 

"Yeah, I figured. Dinner's ready, we should get downstairs."

Justin nodded, still not standing up from Clay's couch. 

He just stared out into space, mind completely somewhere else. 

It freaked Clay the fuck out. 

Not knowing what he was thinking was a new kind of unsettling. Before Justin had been somewhat easy to read. Now, since all this shit has happened, its like trying to solve a one hundred thousand pieced puzzle. 

It bothered him too much for his liking.

Maybe he should try and talk to him, like brothers do or something. 

Nope, still doesn't sound right. 

Clay sighed, grabbing a pillow from his bed and chucking it at the older boy. 

Justin caught it, eyes wide and heart racing when he did. 

"What the fuck Jensen?!"

"You coming or what?!" 

The older boy sighed, quickly standing up and throwing the pillow back at Clay. 

Somehow, he missed and Clay couldn't even find it in him to laugh at how pathetic that throw was. How do you miss someone your five feet away from? Wasn't he on the basketball team or something?!

"How did you miss that? We're like ten feet apart." 

"Shut up Jensen, I'm fucking hungry."

He watched as Justin left the room. Something about the way he said his words were off and that feeling of uneasiness crept back up on him when he came to that realization. 

He sighed, cursing his mind as he followed Justin out.

This was gonna fuck with his head until he figured it out, wasn't it?! 

Jesus, fucking Justin.


	2. i love you too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay thinks its weird that they're all friends and Justin talks to Alex and Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Astrid S's Hurts So Good on repeat when writing this so that's a really good song to listen to when reading this, lol.

"This is weird right? Like all of us, being friends now."

Justin glanced up from his lunch and peer around at the table, "yeah it is. You gonna eat those fries?"

Clay looked down at his food and nodded a yes, turning back to the table of people he now considered his friends? Or something like that.

"If you think about it, it's not that weird. I mean, after all the shit that we've been through, with Hannah and the trial and then Tyler. It kinda makes sense." Alex explained as he stole one of his fries.

Still, it was just so weird. Never in his life did Clay think he'd be here. Eating lunch with Justin Foley, who now lived with him which was also weird. It wasn't just them, it was the fact that Courtney and Jessica had been talking about some sci-fi show for the past twenty minutes across from Sherri. And Tony and Ryan were speaking, rather passively agressively but still speaking and eating at the same table despite being exes. Plus Alex and Sherri were talking about god knows what up until two minutes ago when they decided to join whatever he and Justin we're talking about. 

It all just felt fucking random.

When did they all become so close? When did they become friends really?

"He's not wrong, I mean a few months ago this would've never happened and now it feels, oddly normal." Justin interrupted before taking a bite out of his burger.

God, he was a messy eater. Clay slipped him a napkin which Justin took without question.

"I know, that's the weird part. I didn't even think you knew my name last year and now we're eating at the same lunch table. Like we're-"

"Friends? Yeah it is kind of surreal when you think about all of it. " Sherri finished for him. The fact that she could finish for him freaked him out. 

Yeah, this was weird. Maybe a glitch in the stimulation or something. Clay frowned, turning back to his half eaten fries that he hadn't even touched. Who knrw having friends could be so amazing!

Justin glanced up and looked over at the other end of the table to Jessica, she hadn't even looked in his direction since the dance. It didn't help his consciousness when Alex was seated right next to him either. 

They were friends now but once he found out, shit he'd probably hate him. 

Still, sitting next to him and pretending like he and his girlfriend hadn't hooked up was gnawing at his soul. 

Last time he hid something from somebody he cared about, the aftermath almost killed him. He should just tell him, rip it off like a fucking band-aid and hope for the best right? 

Yeah, he sh-"take a picture it'll last longer." 

Justin snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Alex, confusion written all over his features.

"You were staring." 

He didn't even realize, " I-uh-sorry. I just zoned out."

He looked away, eyes trained on the his jello until the bell rang. Justin was the first one out of his seat and the cafeteria altogether. 

His mind raced a mile a minute as classes dragged on and on for the rest of the day. He dreaded his last two periods the most, which he had with Alex. He didn't even try and pretend like he was focusing, instead he mind kept replaying that night over and over again. 

So much went down and if he was being honest with himself, this was probably the one thing he could handle. He had to tell him. 

Fuck, he needed a fix. 

But Clay was gonna be home after school and he couldn't just say he had to to go to the bathroom and then sneak off to the house. Justin could be a fucking idiot sometimes, he was a fucking idiot for wanting to get high in the first place, but he wasn't that stupid. 

Instead, he zoned out, a lot of the time in Alex's direction. 

The former blonde took note of it and it made him, to say the least, extremely uncomfortable. 

When they left, Justin had figured it out. He was gonna tell Alex what happened, he was gonna endure the aftermath and when Clay was in the shower he was gonna shoot up and try his best to forget about it all. 

Sounds smart enough.

Clay was waiting for him in the parking lot, his car right next to Zach's. Pretty convenient.

Alex rushed past him as they made their way out of the double doors and Justin lhad to speed walk to catch up with him. Since when did a guy with a cane get so fast? 

"Hey Alex, Jesus would you slow down?!" He called and Alex only hobbled faster. 

"Come on I just wanna talk and-" 

He stopped suddenly, almost causing Justin to crash into him. 

"Look Justin, you're a nice guy okay but I'm just not interested okay." Alex said as he turned to face him. 

Wait, what the fuck?!

"What?! Where the fuck did you get the idea that I-I'm not gay Alex." He stumbled out. Where did he even get that idea from? Justin had never even thought about Alex like that, he was like his weird crippled friend.

He didn't even like guys. Did he give off a gay vibe? 

"I know but for fucks sakes, you've been staring me down for the past few weeks and-" 

"I fucked Jessica!" The words tumbled out of his lips before he could stop them. Fuck, he didn't mean to say it like that, jesus he was loud too. Justin stared down at his shoes, he couldn't even look at him. He was pathetic. 

"I-I meant, me and Jessica, Jessica and I, we had sex and I-" 

"I know." 

His eyes widened as he looked up at a very unamused Alex. 

"You know?" He was confused, had he known this entire time? Who told him? Why did they tell him? Why hadn't he punched him in the face? Christ, if he was Alex he probably would've punched him in the face. 

"Yeah, she told me the day after the dance, the same night we broke up. Look, I'm not mad. I get it, I mean me and Jess, there was something off that neither of us wanted to admit, it wasn't the same as before when Han-" he stopped himself. Justin watched as Alex took a deep breath, trying to regroup whatever thoughts he had. "As when Hannah was alive. We both knew it and its over now. Didn't she tell you?" 

Justin shook his head and Alex couldn't help but feel a little bad for him. The guy was the definition of fucked up and the girl who he was desperately in love with, didn't tell him she was single after they had sex. That's gotta be rough. 

Alex reached out without thinking and patted Justin's shoulder awkwardly. It was weird for the both of them.

"Uh, just talk to her." He looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Jess talking to that girl from track across the lot. 

"She's um, she's over there." Alex pointed and Justin followed his finger. 

She was, laughing and fuck, she was beautiful. 

Justin felt his heart skip a beat.

"Justin are you coming?" Clay called and he looked over and nodded.  
"Give me a sec." He said before heading in Jess's direction 

Alex was long gone, now opening the passenger seat of Zach's car. He looked over at the taller boy, in all his tanned built glory and resisted the urge to bite his lip.

Jesus what the fuck was wrong with him?!

"You ready to go?" 

Alex snapped out of his thoughts and nodded. 

Zach smiled at him before climbing in and the butterflies that raced through Alex's stomach were overwhelmimg. 

He breathed deeply, gaining whatever little composure he had left, before getting in and shutting the door behind him. 

Meanwhile, Justin's nerves were getting the best of him. 

When Jess saw him, her smile faltered and her laugh died. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights and she quickly said goodbye to Nina before moving towards student pick up where her dad was probably waiting. 

"Jess hey! Wait up!" 

She sighed, god she didn't want to do this right now. 

"Justin, I-" 

"Alex told me you guys broke up. W-Why didn't you call me?!" 

Jessica avoided his eyes, trying to take a deep breath. Its good he caught her, she had to get this over with at some point?!

"Look Justin, I-my dad respects you but he still doesn't think we should be together." She told him and Justin look at her little confused. 

"What does that have to do with us? I-I still like you Jess." 

And there it was, the last thing she needed to hear. 

"I know and I-" She looked up to meet his eyes and faltered, was she even doing the right thing? She already knew the answer to that question but some part of her still had to ask."-I think he's right Justin. I've been seeing a therapist and she doesn't think that its a good i-" 

"Jesus Jess, are you fucking serious?! You're therapist doesn't know shit about us and what we've been through! How the fuck are you letting that control you?!" 

Jess sighed, Justin was screaming now. He always screamed when he was around her. 

"I'm not! Jesus, do you even hear yourself?! We're not good for each other Justin! You bring out the worst in me and I do the same to you. You ran away from home because of me and then did fucking heroine Justin!" 

"Jess that had nothing to do with you-" 

"That's bullshit and we both know it! We're toxic, a relationship, it shouldn't be this fucking hard! I don't want a relationship that's hard, that feels like this. Loving someone shouldn't feel like this!" 

They had the attention of the whole school at this point, but Jessica could care less. He needed to hear this.

"So that night, at the dance. It meant nothing to you." His voice was soft and that sadness was almost enough to make her wanna take it all back. To make her wanna be there for him in every way possible. 

Almost. 

She had to be strong, even if he couldn't be. 

"Of course it did. I-I love you Justin. I do but we're not good for each other. And we deserve better. That night, what happened, it was a mistake." 

She wanted to reach out but she knew better, it wouldn't do either of them any good. 

Justin felt like his whole world was coming a part all at once, again. 

He didn't say anything. 

"Justin, please say something." 

He didn't, he just looked at her. 

Fuck, she was so beautiful. 

He smiled, a crooked broken smile, fighting the tears in his eyes as he did so. 

"I love you too." 

It had to be the saddest declaration of love in the whole fucking universe. He didn't stick around long enough for her to say something else. He knew she'd want to rectify this, to fix whatever was left of them in hopes of having some kind of relationship in the future. 

But Justin, he couldn't do that right now. 

He ignored the numerous stares as he walked back to Clay's car. 

He could feel Jess's worried eyes on him but he couldn't look back. He didn't want to cry, not here, not in front of everyone. 

Clay stared at him, his sympathy for Justin running deep. 

"Hey, do you wanna ta-" 

"Just get in the fucking car Jensen."


	3. The Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay doesn't take Justin home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED

"Are you gonna talk to me or what?"

The silence was deafening, Clay thought Justin rambling on about random shit was worse than this, but jesus he was wrong.

"There's nothing to talk about Clay."

Bullshit. He glanced over at the blue eyed boy and sighed, he couldn't take him home. His mom was off work today and as soon as she saw the obvious emotional mess that Justin was in, she'd freak and grill him about his day. Then his dad, who was also home, would smother him to death and Justin, being Justin, would push them both away because god knows he didn't really know how to deal with parental affection. Or maybe he did, but still, the last thing he looked like he needed was an interorragation by Clay's well meaning parents.

"You missed the turn dipshit!'

Clay ignored him and kept driving.

"Clay what the fuck?! Take me back to your place!"

Their place but Clay didn't bother correcting him instead He continued to ignore him, he knew what Justin needed and being in the same place as where he almost overdosed could be a trigger especially after what just happened. Clay wasn't dumb, he knew Justin could sneak and do something stupid in the middle of the night.

So the only way to avoid that was to take his mind off Jessica and potential drug use.

"Where the fuck are we going! Clay!" Justin screamed and Clay cringed.

"Jesus, would you calm down. I'm not kidnapping you or anything, I just figured you could use a distraction."

Justin stared at his soon to be stepbrother in shock, was Clay smoking crack? Since when the fuck did he care about distracting Justin from his feelings? Since when did he care about Justin at all?

As far as the older boy knew, Clay just saw him as someone he could use in Hannah's trail, which backfired. Or some charity case that his parennts decided to take in.

"Clay, I need to get home!" Justin urged but Clay rolled his eyes.

"To do what? Cry and think about getting high?"

Justin stayed silent and that's all the confirmation Clay needed.

"That's what I thought, look just try to stay calm. I promise, this is no way shape or form going to fuck you up any more than you already are."

Justin didn't have much of a choice as he sat back in his seat and forced himself to relax.

It'd be fine, he told himself over and over again as Clay drove them deeper into an even shittier part of town. The suburbs were replaced with grafitti tatted apartment buildings and the glossy finished look of Crestmont turned into the rough streets of Relic Hills. 

Justin used to live here, images of his mom and stepdad flashed through his mind as he sunk deeper into his seat. He hated being here, the memories that crept on his psyche haunted him. 

"What the fuck are we doing here?" 

A sense of panic began to set in, what if Clay was stupid enough to take him to his moms? He didn't even know where his mom lived. What if he decided there was no use for him anymore and just handed him over to Seth? 

Like the worthless object he felt like sometimes.

"Don't worry about it." 

Clay told him and Justin's anxiety rose. 

"Clay I swear to fucking god if yo-" 

He cut himself off as Clay pulled into the parking lot of an abandoned building, a big sign spray painted on it that read Private Property. Justin had tried to crash here once until he saw the sign, he didn't really want to get arrested for trying to find a place to stay the night. He ended up sleeping crashed near here once. 

"What are we doing?" 

"Just get out of the fucking car Foley." 

Clay said, already out and shutting the door behind him.

Hesitantly Justin followed. 

"This is private property Clay, I don't thin-" 

He trailed off when Clay pulled out a white sheet from behind the dumpster.

What the fuck? 

He watched as the younger boy pulled it over his car and then grabbed a wrench from the same place. 

"It's not, come on." 

Clay said before disappearing to the side of the building. 

"What the fuck?!" Justin mumbled as he followed Clay's lead. 

There was a side door that Justin hadn't even noticed, Clay stuck the wrench in the side of it before shimmying the door open. 

He held the door open for Justin and reluctantly, the blue eyed boy stepped in first. 

The walls were covered in grafitti, a couch was in the corner with a few blankets scattered on it. 

"What the fuck is this place Jensen?" Justin said, looking back at his roommate.

"It uh, it used to be Skye's before she left town. She took me here a few times and now I just use whenever I want to escape I guess." Clay explained, Justin couldn't help but stare. 

Why would he bring him here? To a place so special to him. 

"Why'd you bring me here?" 

Clay nodded, "Right.." he trailed off as he walked past Justin and to the couch. 

Justin watched as Clay pulled out a gray duffle bag from behind it, the sound of metal rattled as he brought it closer. 

"The fuck is that supposed to be?!"

Clay laughed which took Justin by surprised, it was kinda rare whenever he did. Felt like a new side of him the older boy never really thought he'd get to see. Who knew Jensen had a sense of humor? 

"Spray cans, where did you think all this grafitti came from?" 

Justin stared at him, "you want me to paint my fucking feelings on a wall?!" 

Clay scratch the back of his head, "well I want you to spray your feelings on a wall, I guess." 

Justin couldn't fucking believe this. 

"Fuck this."

He started towards the door before Clay called out his name . 

"Come on! What else do you have to do anyway?!" 

Justin turned back to him, "any fucking thing but this." 

"Well, I'm your ride home and there's no where else for you to go while I have the keys. It won't kill you, just try it out and if you still wanna go wandering off to who knows where? I won't stop you." Clay explained and Justin looked at him. 

He didn't really have much of a choice did he?

"Fine, you got any black?" 

Clay smiled and Justin ignored the weird feeling that bubbled in his stomach when he did. 

He didn't wanna think about that right now, he just, he needed to drown everything out. 

"You got music too Jensen?" 

Clay nodded, reaching for his phone and then walking towards a speaker the blue eyed boy hadn't even noticed until now. 

"I hope you like The 1975." 

Justin looked at him, confusion etched onto his features. 

"The what?" 

~~~~~

Two hours had passed and Justin felt okay, like geniunely, okay. He didn't feel like shit, or like doing something stupid. The craving was still there, but for right now, the music and the paint fumes were enough. 

Then there was Clay, who was off in his own world as Sex by The 1975 blared loudly in the background. 

He had screamed a few times, because Clay suggested it. 

It felt good, being here felt good. Justin felt light and some dumb hopeful part of him felt like he could feel like this for awhile at least. Like he could get through this, better than he was when he started. 

He hadn't thought about Jess or Bryce or anyone who had made him feel like shit in the past since he started this spray painting thing. 

It was nice. 

But still, that needy feeling in the back of his head, the need for another fix was coming back full force. 

He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to go home and be just as fucked up as he knew he was. He didn't want to need it. 

He glanced over at Clay, the only person who was here.

The only person who really hadn't given up on him this entire time now that he thought about it. He could trust Clay and Clay, he could forgive him. He could help him. Right? 

"Clay, there's something I need to t-" 

"What does that mean?" The younger boy interrupted, seemingly unaware of what Justin had just said. 

He probably didn't hear him. It was stupid anyway. 

"What?" The older boy asked, backing away from his art. 

"What did you paint? I've never seen anything like that" 

Justin looked over at it and shrugged. 

It was just a box with this cloud of gray floating inside, some of it seeping from it. In all honesty, Justin didn't even know where it came from and he didn't think much of it either. 

"I don't know, why" 

"It's just, I don't know." 

Clay kept staring and Justin suddenly felt incredibly self conscious of his work. Was it that bad? 

"Look, this was my first time and I-" 

"Its kind of amazing." 

They said simultaneously and Justin felt his cheeks burn at Clay's words. There was this weird, rapid beating in his chest. The same feeling he had when Jess started showing even a little bit of interest in him radiated through his chest. 

"You're fucking with me right? It's shit." He announced, gesturing to the wall. 

"N-No it's really not. Better than whatever this is." Clay told him and Justin looked over and laughed.

It wasn't bad, whatever it was. 

"Thanks for the encouragement." Clay mumbled but Justin didn't stop. He moved closer to Clay, in an attempt to get a better look. Instead, he lost footing halfway to him and tripped over his shoelace, accidentally taking Clay down. 

His back hit the cement with thud and Clay fell right on top of him. 

"Fuck" 

"Jesus Justin." 

He ignored the pain that shot through his back when he looked up at Clay, incredibly aware of how close they were. 

He was on top of him, directly on top of him. 

His breath hitched as Clay's eyes met his. In all honesty, he doesn't know why he did it. 

Or what the fuck he was thinking. 

But he grabbed the back of Clay's neck and closed the distance between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next? We shall see, we shall see

**Author's Note:**

> Slowburn-ish


End file.
